First Post

Hello people of the world,

So I have been wanting to write a blog for some time now, and every time I go to actually write it, I get very lazy and end up online shopping (and then I don’t even buy anything). I’ll be honest and share that I am very nervous to write a blog and write things that other people will read, but then I remember that like .0000001% of the population will actually read this, and that makes me feel better.

I follow/read several mom blogs (like three), and I am always envious of these women who appear so put-together, cool, calm, collected, crafty, clean, etc. I don’t understand and I am very jealous of these individuals. I try and imagine them in real-life, and I just cant. I don’t actually think these people exist, but the internet tells me they do, so maybe they do.

Anyways, I wanted to write a blog for mothers who struggle to relate to the aforementioned woman. This blog is for anyone, but specifically mothers, who are very much imperfect and very much do not give a fuck. Most of the time, I don’t really care. But sometimes I do, and I thought it might be nice to share those feelings of inadequacy with other ladies who might feel the same way I do. So for my first post, I shall explain the type of mother I am:

I am a mom of a six year old girl, Maddy, who is crazy and I love her very much for it.

I am a mom in an unmarried domestic partnership, and I very much like to use such a politically correct term to describe my relationship because it makes me sound like an asshole.

I am a mom who loves her UDP (Unmarried Domestic Partner), Greg, so much. Yes, Greg is the father of my daughter and we do not know when we are going to get married but we know we want to and that should clear up any lingering questions. Greg also will hate being referred to as my UDP.

I am a mom who is currently in school full-time and I cannot always make my daughter’s school events, and I am rarely able to drop her off at school because of my crazy schedule. My UDP conducts the entire morning routine and though it can be hard for me sometimes to accept that, sometimes I love having a legitimate excuse to run out the door when Maddy is refusing to eat breakfast/wear real clothes and I don’t have to deal with it.

I am a mom who swears so much.

I am a mom who buys organic occasionally (when we have extra money and I am feeling fancy), and doesn’t really care about organic food. Other than chicken. I prefer organic chicken cause I watched that documentary “Food, Inc.” and it scared the shit out of me and also really grossed me out.

I am a mom who hardly ever dresses their child nicely and neatly. My UDP dresses her most days and that is an entirely separate issue that I can’t get into right now.

I am a mom who lets laundry pile up and generally is 2+ weeks behind in laundry. I anticipate this to be a life-long struggle for which I will eventually hire professional help for.

I am a mom who buys way too many stupid fucking toys at CVS, Target, etc, so my kid will stop whining in the store and so I fill my mom-complex and believe this toy will make her love me more.

I am mom who truly enjoys cooking and I am actually an excellent chef. For example, tonight I made a Prime Rib for the first time and it was dope AF.

I am a mom who yells at her kid and feels bad after, but then does it again because my child’s ears lately are permanently fucking broken and I can’t take it anymore.

I am a mom who googles/tries to find a book about being a parent who doesn’t yell, but knows this is an unrealistic goal.

I am a mom who does not enjoy playing with children’s toys, because I am no longer a child.

I am a mom who loves her child so fucking much it hurts and I just want her to love me the way she loves me right now for the rest of her life, like when she is 18 and won’t want to hang out with me but maybe she will realize I am awesome and she will love me so much that she will invite me out with her and her friends. I want to hold onto this love she has for me forever.


The above list is not comprehensive, obviously. There are so many other things “wrong” or imperfect about me. This blog is for any woman, mom, man, father, or other identity who is exhausted by the current parenting situation going on in the universe right now and finds the standard to not only be completely unattainable, but also complete bullshit. So, if you identify with anything I’ve mentioned or want me to mention in the future, please continue to read.


(P.S I am so terrified to post this for people to read but I’m gonna do it even though I am about to piss my pants from embarrassment).

6 thoughts on “First Post

  1. Thanks for the distraction from my studies. Is your UAP going to do a guest blog appearance? 🙂 love it! I think I had mentioned you should start a blog…😀 Xo

  2. You are an amazing mom. I fucking swear all the fucking time. I did it in front of you when I babysat you. Somewhere on my FB timeline is a video a woman did abou ther three kids being mad at her. You should watch it. I particularly like the wine in the ice cream moment.

  3. This was really fantastic and funny!! And more importantly, really authentic. The world needs more moms like you.

Leave a Reply