I am a mom who loves Christmas.

I fuckin LOVE Christmas. I’m not sure when Christmas decided to get hooked on steroids, but I am all for it. Call me an enabler, but the more roids Christmas can get ahold of the better. I feel like Christmas wasn’t as big of a deal when I was a kid, but I truly feel I am alive at the right time. It’s like when women used to drink and smoke while pregnant- what a time to be alive! So naive, so free, so irresponsible- and they didn’t even know it! This is how I feel about Christmas. (It doesn’t totally relate but you get what I mean).

So we have the Elf on the Shelf, and his name is Football. I really thought the whole Elf thing was going to be creepy and weird, but it’s really not. It’s more annoying and inconvenient than anything else. I have forgotten to move the Elf twice this season. Football was tired from a long day of doing nothing/not being alive or real. Whoops.

The thing about the Elf on the Shelf is that is forces parents to be creative, and Greg and I are all set with that. Football doesn’t make snow angels with flour, or go fishing for goldfish. I have no fuckin time for that. Football likes to move from curtain rod to curtain rod, hang out in a stocking, and maybe sit on a tree branch. Somehow my kid eats this shit up and every day she is amazed that Football moved across the living room to a new surface. Thank God she is so easy going/her Elf standards are low, it really takes the pressure off. The above picture is Football last night. He got a little crazy and threw an old decorative ribbon thing over his head. That is as creative as it gets around here.

While I love Christmas, I don’t love wrapping presents. I love the idea of loving to wrap presents because I enjoy adorable wrapping paper. But no one ever really gives a shit and it all gets tossed into the trash anyways. And what about those people who carefully unwrap presents to “save” the wrapping paper because it’s so pretty? What bullshit. They don’t save shit. It’s not like people actually saves wrapping paper as a memento, or re-uses it. You can’t reuse it, because then it’ll be all crumply and have crinkles and the person opening the present with crinkly wrapping paper will think the person giving the present is cheap AF. Greg and I have navigated the wrapping paper issue by having Santa bring all the presents Maddy gets. Santa doesn’t have time to wrap presents. Santa leaves presents in a little pile by the tree and moves onto the next and everyone is happy.

So if you are a parent who forgets to move the Elf, don’t feel bad. It’s not real. It’s a stuffed animal and your kid should be happy you love them enough to even have such a ridiculous (but soooo cute) Christmas tradition going on. And if you are a parent who wraps Christmas presents for your kids, and enjoys it, keep going! I am impressed at how un-lazy you are and how very lazy I am. And although this post may have come off as pessimistic, I really do love Christmas and the entire holiday season. I may not be good at it, but I do love it.

So Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from my family to yours!


(Maddy in the silly hat we made for Silly Hat Day at school with a nerf gun. Festive AF).




4 thoughts on “CHRISTMAAAAAAAS

  1. When did you first starting doing elf on a shelf with Mandy? I think Ella would like it.
    I agree that people don’t reuse wrapping paper but inner they reuse gift bags. I hoard them

    1. We got Football when Maddy was 3 but she didn’t really get it until the next year. I almost wrote about your hoarding issue with bags and how smart it is actually! I’m glad you openly admit to your hoarding issue.

  2. Just so you know, all those wrapped gifts Nana gave you….I was the wrapper! Somehow I became her Christmas wrapping elf. Probably because I lived upstair with her, but I did them all. Megan wishes Elf was around when she was little. Hell, I’m the parent who have Elf in the hot tub with Barbie. But I’m twisted like that. I think you love Christmas so much because you’re a December baby.

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