What is up with New Years Resolutions? Like who invented this concept? I am not a total scrooge when it comes to goal-setting; goals are obviously important and provide guidance and whatever, but there is just so much pressure with New Years resolutions and I am really all set with it.

I have made several New Years resolutions to exercise more and make better food choices in past years. My pattern goes something like this: I go on a total binge the last few days of the year in an attempt to make myself feel the most grotesque and as disgusting as I can so that the shame and guilt of such a binge will propel me straight into Resolutionville. The binge part is the most fun- so much lo mein, ice cream, overpriced cheese and fancy cookies, and more ice cream.

Me, Eating. 2016

Arriving in Resolutionville? Not so fun. I never really unpack all my bags once I get there. (I should mention I still haven’t fully unpacked my bags from a trip to Florida from Labor Day this year either so clearly unpacking is an issue for me).

So I have decided that this year I am not going to make any real resolutions. And I’ll tell you why.

Lately, Maddy has this really endearing thing happening where she tells me its the worst day of her life, about 18 times a day. For example, the other day I took her to the Burger King Drive Thru (don’t judge, we all do it) and she didn’t get the toy she wanted and claimed it was the “worst day of her life”.

DUDE. SHUT UP. The WORST day of your life?!


I then asked her:
Is she eating food? -“yes”
Did she sleep in a warm bed last night?- “yes”
Does she have two parents that love her? – “yes”
Did Santa bring her a shit ton of toys this year?- “yes”

“So is this really the worst day of your life Maddy?” – Total silence.

Yeah, so STFU and eat your nuggets. I still love you though.

After about a million of these incidents, I decided that for 2017 I am going to continue doing what I am doing. I will continue to feed my kid, let her sleep inside, buy her silly toys, and love her unconditionally. Isn’t that a lot of work for any parent? I had a really bad cold this whole week and still managed to go food shopping, clean the house, and take her and her buddy on a playdate today. I’m doing alright.

Just a mini list of some other resolutions I plan to make this year:

  1. Hire the cleaning people more so I don’t have to clean, and then I won’t get mad about the house being dirty. Win-win for all involved parties.
  2. Buy a shit ton of those “Tile” things so Greg will stop asking me where his stuff is.
  3. Cook more because I enjoy it and so I’ll stop going to BK.
  4. Attend like one or two yoga classes so I can tell people I take yoga.
  5. Try and show my face in Maddy’s classroom a little more so the teachers don’t think I’m some random woman bringing her to school.
  6. Hire a date-night babysitter so Greg and I can hang and so Maddy stops asking us to go out every time she sees the “” commercial. (I feel the love Mads)
  7. Practice giving myself more of a break when I don’t live up to unrealistic mom standards.


So lets all resolve (is that the right word?) to continue keeping our children alive. It is exhausting. Give yourself a break and just keep doing what you’re doing.

Happy New Year!

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