The Switch

I’m not sure how other parents feel about TV, but I am not under the impression that it is melting my kid’s brain. Her brain is fully intact and there is no evidence of leakage, so I believe this whole idea of TV being “bad” is really just made up bullshit by the same parents who want me to shop exclusively at Whole Foods and use Toms toothpaste.

The subject of television came up at a little shindig I was at last night; a party at Maddy’s friends house from school where the kids watched a movie/played and the parents hung out. I gotta say the party was better than expected and the parents were raging- one dude brought a bottle of tequila and I felt this was the kindof kid party I could get behind. ANYWAYS, I was talking to one dad about TV and we both agreed that TV is wonderful and both of us have children who are alive and thriving despite watching television on a regular basis. So basically I have gathered all the evidence I need to support my case.

All of that said, we have a little situation going on lately where anytime Maddy is allowed to watch a show, she becomes evil. When I say evil, I am not exaggerating. Something chemical happens inside and she is straight up AWFUL. It’s as if she drank that bottle of tequila and is totally gonezo. For example, I put her in a time-out the other day as a result of her show-induced evilness, and she goes in her room, turns around and says “OH yeah? Well if you are gonna put me in a time-out, I am gonna pour water all over this room”. I quickly reminded her if she did that then I would end her, and she ended up not pouring water all over the room. This is a super minor/low-key example of her evilness but it gives you an idea of what we are dealing with.

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(This is how I would describe what happens to Maddy^)

We’ve named the condition as becoming a “Switch”, or a sh0w-witch. It’s nicer/more appropriate than calling her a bitch or an asshole, which simply isn’t kind. So now when she starts acting like an asshole we tell her she is being a Switch. Does she like it? No. Does she stop acting like a Switch? No to that as well. Does she understand that she is not behaving that great? Yes, but she still doesn’t stop.

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(This is how we have come to describe the pathophysiology of the Switch disorder)

The solution to the Switch? Not putting on the TV. Greg works most nights of the week, so I handle the dinner/bedtime routine by myself a good amount of the time. I used to let her watch one TV show a night before bed, but this was pre-Switch days. So now during the week I don’t let her watch any television, and instead we play a board game or something. The first few nights were brutal, mostly for me. We’ve played Trouble 34853904854 times. I had to hide Candyland because that game blows and I honestly feel bad for my parents now. But what has happened is that I don’t have a Switch during the week and I end up spending some quality time with my kid. There are definitely nights where I have stuff to get done/am just really tired and I throw on a show, and that’s okay. But overall the Switch leaves the building from Monday-Thursday and I really don’t miss her.

The weekend? I give her back the bottle of Patron and let her go to town. We watched like three movies today and I don’t really care. I need to chill out and so does she, and so does Greg. Monday mornings always come with some type of Switch-hangover. It’s all about balance, amiright?

Do any of your kids becomes Switch’s after too much/any TV? How have you handled it? Interested to hear about others who are suffering from the same Sybil situation we have going on over here.

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(P.S Thank you RHONJ for the gifs that demonstrate my feelings about the issue/make up for the fact that I have yet to document the Switch in action. Stay tuned for original evidence).

Working Girl

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Wow, I have not been doing so hot keeping up with this blog lately. I mentioned it in my first post, but I am currently in school full-time, and I started this blog while I was on my winter break, so you can do the math. I really need to make some type of schedule for writing posts which is most likely going to include either alerts in my phone or just doing what I’ve been doing which is “Oh shit I should probably go write something on that thing”.

I have wanted to write a post about being a working mom, or right now a mom who is in school full-time, because it’s so fuckin hard to be either one. Well, it’s hard to be a mom in general, and I seriously do not envy SAHM’s but rather commend and pray for them. I stayed at home full time for about six months when Mads was around 2, and I am not sure if I could do it again. I am really envious of the moms who are cut out for it, because it is not my strength. But I wanted to write a post specifically about being a mother who works or goes to school because it’s not easy leading a double life, and while I don’t have any words of wisdom or advice, I do have my experiences to share.

Let me begin by saying that this post will reappear again and again throughout my blogging career (however long it’ll last) because I am not sure I’ll ever be officially done with school/changing my mind career wise. I also shall begin by saying that I am writing this on a Tuesday night while Maddy sits next to me on the couch watching TV and eating Mac n Cheese and I DGAF.

I’m not going to write a log of my academic career or professional experiences, as this is not a resume. I will tell you that I have been in school for the majority of Maddy’s life, and when I was not in school I worked full-time. And I will share some of the things I have learned (the hard way):

  1. Being too proud is bullshit and overrated. When I found out I was pregnant I was pretty young (19 for you nosy bitches) and it was really important to me that I finish school as planned. What started off as “really important” kinda morphed into a “fuck you” to those who doubted me. It took some time for me to realize that no one, other than my family and close friends, really gave a shit what I did, and doing well in school to say fuck you to other people isn’t the right motivator. So now, I go to school because I like it and I want to and it has nothing to do with other people (most of the time).
  2. IT TAKES A VILLAGE AND I KNOW THIS IS CLICHE BUT OMG IT IS SO TRUE. I literally could NOT have gone to school, or worked 40 hours a week, if I didn’t have a supportive UDP, family, or friends. I need these people in my life and it takes some humility to A. Admit you need people and, B. Ask for that help.
  3. I have had to learn to accept that I will miss school events and my child will be upset about it.
  4. I’ve learned that taking little moments of “free time” to hang with my kid or bring her to school if I can is really important for her, and for me. I don’t take her to school many mornings, Greg is in charge of that. But there are some mornings when I could sleep until 8 or 9, but I force myself to get up and take her to school myself. Theres a good chance I won’t see her until 5 or 6PM that day and I’ll be a real bitch cause I’ll be tired, so it’s important to  me to squeeze in that good time while I can.
  5. Taking little moments for myself is equally important and I don’t do it nearly as much as I should. Guess when I am the best mom? When I exercise and eat right. Go fuckin figure- the things people tell you are true. I don’t hit the gym because the gym blows in my opinion, but I will go outside and walk/jog and when these things happen I am a LOT nicer to my kid. Also included in “time to myself” are massages, getting my nails done, lunches/dinners with friends, and trips to TJ Maxx alone (Greg doesn’t support this one as much as I wish he did).
  6. In conjunction with what I said above, is now a good time to tell Greg I ordered the mini lip kit set from Kylie Jenner last week? Can I count this as “self-care”?
  7. I’ve learned that a positive work environment matters to my overall well-being, and when I return to the working world after I finish nursing school I will be sure to choose a place that suits my needs as a mom and human being.
  8. I’ve learned that my relationship with Greg is just as important as my relationship with Maddy and when we are happy, she is happy. This doesn’t always come easy, especially when your UDP is literally a caveman.
  9. I’ve learned that I am not going to cook or clean regularly, my apartment isn’t shiny and bright, and I will never get around to framing/hanging those pictures I keep telling myself I will.
  10. And finally, I have learned that the mom guilt I feel is mostly in my head. My kid loves me, and I love her. She is fed, bathed, clothed, and happy. She plays sports and has playdates and goes to parks on the reg. She seems to be pretty happy with her little life and I have to force myself to remember that when I feel like the shittiest mom cause I was too lazy/tired to read books that evening.

 

I do apologize if this post was a bit lengthy, and also that I don’t really have many pictures. I wasn’t sure if I should take a pic of me studying, not cooking or cleaning, or shopping at TJ’s. However, the picture at the beginning sums up my current situation most Saturday nights. And if you are a working mom or a mom in school please comment with any tips or tricks you’ve learned to make it work. I need all the help I can get.