The Switch

I’m not sure how other parents feel about TV, but I am not under the impression that it is melting my kid’s brain. Her brain is fully intact and there is no evidence of leakage, so I believe this whole idea of TV being “bad” is really just made up bullshit by the same parents who want me to shop exclusively at Whole Foods and use Toms toothpaste.

The subject of television came up at a little shindig I was at last night; a party at Maddy’s friends house from school where the kids watched a movie/played and the parents hung out. I gotta say the party was better than expected and the parents were raging- one dude brought a bottle of tequila and I felt this was the kindof kid party I could get behind. ANYWAYS, I was talking to one dad about TV and we both agreed that TV is wonderful and both of us have children who are alive and thriving despite watching television on a regular basis. So basically I have gathered all the evidence I need to support my case.

All of that said, we have a little situation going on lately where anytime Maddy is allowed to watch a show, she becomes evil. When I say evil, I am not exaggerating. Something chemical happens inside and she is straight up AWFUL. It’s as if she drank that bottle of tequila and is totally gonezo. For example, I put her in a time-out the other day as a result of her show-induced evilness, and she goes in her room, turns around and says “OH yeah? Well if you are gonna put me in a time-out, I am gonna pour water all over this room”. I quickly reminded her if she did that then I would end her, and she ended up not pouring water all over the room. This is a super minor/low-key example of her evilness but it gives you an idea of what we are dealing with.


(This is how I would describe what happens to Maddy^)

We’ve named the condition as becoming a “Switch”, or a sh0w-witch. It’s nicer/more appropriate than calling her a bitch or an asshole, which simply isn’t kind. So now when she starts acting like an asshole we tell her she is being a Switch. Does she like it? No. Does she stop acting like a Switch? No to that as well. Does she understand that she is not behaving that great? Yes, but she still doesn’t stop.


(This is how we have come to describe the pathophysiology of the Switch disorder)

The solution to the Switch? Not putting on the TV. Greg works most nights of the week, so I handle the dinner/bedtime routine by myself a good amount of the time. I used to let her watch one TV show a night before bed, but this was pre-Switch days. So now during the week I don’t let her watch any television, and instead we play a board game or something. The first few nights were brutal, mostly for me. We’ve played Trouble 34853904854 times. I had to hide Candyland because that game blows and I honestly feel bad for my parents now. But what has happened is that I don’t have a Switch during the week and I end up spending some quality time with my kid. There are definitely nights where I have stuff to get done/am just really tired and I throw on a show, and that’s okay. But overall the Switch leaves the building from Monday-Thursday and I really don’t miss her.

The weekend? I give her back the bottle of Patron and let her go to town. We watched like three movies today and I don’t really care. I need to chill out and so does she, and so does Greg. Monday mornings always come with some type of Switch-hangover. It’s all about balance, amiright?

Do any of your kids becomes Switch’s after too much/any TV? How have you handled it? Interested to hear about others who are suffering from the same Sybil situation we have going on over here.


(P.S Thank you RHONJ for the gifs that demonstrate my feelings about the issue/make up for the fact that I have yet to document the Switch in action. Stay tuned for original evidence).

One thought on “The Switch

  1. Yes. Yes! X becomes a soul eating zombie after tv. I literally just put him in his room for this which resulted in a full blown temper tantrum. Ps it’s not even 9am yet. We have gone weeks without any tv at all because of it. And I too rely on tv for some much needed peace. Sigh.

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