Before I dive in, I just want to share that I began writing this post three weeks ago on my phone while sitting through Maddy’s swim lesson. It’s was a time where both children were occupied (Jack was snoozin) and my brain actually remembered that I have a blog and it might need some attention. I have a feeling a great majority of my future posts will be started on my phone while sitting at some type of child-focused event.
So anyways, having a newborn sucks. And I really do mean that in the most loving way possible so don’t get all judgey and assume I don’t love my baby. I fuckin love that baby. But how else can one describe a life in which they find themselves waking up three times a night only to have their tits sucked on? Does that sound like a good time? (As I write that last sentence I realize for some, 3x a night of tit sucking may actually sound like a good time in a different context. Sorry mom if you’re reading this).
You all know I love a good list, so here is a list of 5 reasons why having a newborn sucks.
Lack of Sleep
The sleep deprivation that accompanies newborn life is just one very long game of Russian Roulette. We keep pulling that trigger until one of us has a break with reality. So far I’ve been the winner.
You might think this one only applies to the mother, but if you ask Greg (or any spouse/partner/roommate/human being in the general vicinity of a woman who just gave birth) you will quickly learn all parties are affected by postpartum hormones. They are intense. They are inconvenient. They are irrational. For example, I’ve found myself bawling at “The Voice”, and then raging mad about leftover toothpaste in the sink. There is no in between. There is no safe space.
Personal Hygiene (Or lack there of)
Okay so I am not a smelly person in general, and I have not let myself go to the point that I’m in need of an intervention. But I love a hot shower and my daily shower/occasional two-a-days are long gone. I’m onto an every other day situation and dare I say I may have gone three days in a row without a good rinse sometime in the last eight weeks. Deodorant and dry shampoo are saving my life and those around me. I’ll add that I haven’t had a haircut in the last five months so my hair is just throw into some type of messy bun, and combined with the irregular showering, I just look more homeless than usual.
Jack is not the hungry one, I am. They say that when you’re breastfeeding you need 500 extra calories a day. I cannot find the time or energy to eat real meals. The closest I’ve gotten to a real meal in the last week is apples with almond butter. (By the way if you haven’t tried almond butter you really need to). I keep Pinteresting meal prep ideas but those little meal prep elves seem to have forgotten my address.
I think the hardest part of newborn life is how overwhelmed I am at any given moment but somehow my legs haven’t given out yet. How do people function on a physiological level when they have a new baby?! I am doing it and I don’t understand. The word “function” is a pretty relative term for me, as I’ve just shared that I’m close to having a break with reality, I’m crying over TV singing competitions, I’m somewhat smelly, and I consider a toddler snack a real meal.
Other moms out there: please share any tips you’ve gathered along the way. Unfortunately I cannot afford a night nurse like Debbie from “Shameless” so I need options that don’t include starting an illegal business for funding.
I will close with the fact that I think the only reason why parents make it through this phase is because we are just so in love with our new little bundles of love. While the logistical changes to my life sucks, the overwhelming amount of love that consumes me on a daily basis is fuel to keep my kid alive.
And here are a few pictures!
Happy Memorial Day Weekend!