Becoming a Mom (again)

Mothering doesn’t come natural to me. I’m not trying to be self-depricating, I’m just stating the facts. When I became a mother it was a choice, not a calling. I am no Charolette Yorke and I never will be. I have to work really hard at being a mom, or at least a decent one. I have always been inpatient, stubborn, and prone to temper-tantrums. In short, I am permanently three years old. (And having kids when you’re three is just not ideal).

I yell at my kid far too often than I should. Sometimes she’s being an asshole and I don’t really have a choice. Other times (most of the time) I am being the asshole. Lately I’ve been the asshole reigning champ in our house and I am trying to get into a better practice of taking a pause to ask the heavens to throw my some patience because I sure as fuck can’t make myself patient on my own will.

I was supposed to be finishing up nursing school this summer but plans changed and I’m going to be home. I’ve become a temporary SAHM and I am still getting used to this lifestyle that has been pretty foreign to me the past few years. It’s not easy for me, as I am typically always on-the-go. The past few weeks have been quite a change and I have to admit I don’t totally hate it like I thought I would. (It also helps that I have a very cute baby to hang out with and he can’t talk back yet).

I am learning to become a mom again. A mom who is around, instead of studying all the time. A mom who takes her kid to the park every day after school. A mom who remembers snacks and sunscreen. A mom who talks to other moms on the playground because I haven’t talked to another adult all day. A mom who remembers to bathe their kid every day and makes a decent dinner every night (still mostly taking stuff out of the freezer and putting it into the microwave, but it’s a start). A mom who has completed some minor house projects that I’ve been putting off for years (OK that’s kindof a lie- I bought the paint for the bathroom makeover three weeks ago but have yet to start the process. I do have hope though). I’m a mom who is learning to be more present with her kids. I’m a mom who is starting to really enjoy being around my six year-old instead of being constantly annoyed by all the “kid problems”. I’m becoming the type of mother that I want to be instead of only thinking about it.

Do I have bad days? All the fucking time. Every single day I have at least 400 bad moments that sometimes I wish I could take back. But I’m also learning that I don’t have to hate myself every time I yell at Maddy. For example, when I ask her to do something (or not do something) ten times in a five minute time span, and she continues to do it/not listen to me, then yeah I am going to yell and no, I don’t feel bad about it. There are probably more therapeutic ways to teach her these lessons but I don’t really feel like learning about them. I’m not that progressive.

So here are a few pictures of the last couple weeks, while I’ve been momin’ it up on the daily. And if you think I’ve totally turned a corner in terms of parenting, you should follow me on Instagram because my Instastories definitely tell a different tale. (@momswhoDGAF)

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This was hour nine of swimming in a pool all day and if that face doesn’t scream pure happiness I don’t know what does.
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My friend Maria makes the dopest cakes. This was for her daughter’s birthday and if you’re like me and aren’t great at cake decorating you need to hit her up.
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Cambridge is filled with sprinkler parks and THANK GOD because the weather lately has been hot AF.
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Got caught in a huge downpour and I figured it was a good photo op. Jack was a little inconveinenced by the delay but he made it through.

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Maddy’s favorite person in the whole world (besides her Papa) is her cousin Johnny. But I bet you couldn’t tell that from this picture.

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I love this pic. Jack’s face says “Okay Ma we are good with the pics and Mads is a lil too close”

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Hope you are all having a great weekend and God speed to all the parents out there who now have kids on summer vacation.

Fathers Day

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Happy Fathers Day to my Unmarried Domestic Parter, my favorite human around. If you haven’t met Greg yet, you are really missing out. I feel lucky every day (not all day every day because that would be weird and just unrealistic since he is very disgusting) that I get to co-parent with this guy.

I love that Greg is such an involved Dad. He is out on the ice coaching Maddy’s hockey, he takes her to her tennis lesson an hour early so he can get some one-on-one practice in with her, he volunteers at her school to coach the before-school gym class twice a week, and he even goes to her dance recitals (lets be real no one really enjoys dance recitals but it’s just part of the gig). He took it upon himself to buy a book on teaching your kid how to read and sits with her every morning going over letters, sounds, and “sight words”, despite the fact that Maddy cannot sit still for more than a few minutes and this is a very trying event in our home. (I have participated a few mornings and let me tell you, you need A LOT of patience to do that activity and he does this every. single. day). He is super specific about the food she eats and makes her eat a bowl of oatmeal every day, which now she actually enjoys. He let her stay up until 2am the night of the Super Bowl because he was just so excited and wanted to let her enjoy the moment with him. He loves babies and encouraged me to start pumping bottles very early on after Jack was born so he could get up in the middle of the night to feed him. He made it a point to attend every prenatal appointment when I was pregnant and continues to attend any and all doctors appointments our kids have. I could literally go on and on and on and on about all the wonderful things he does for our kids. But I won’t because you’re probably getting a smidge bored.

And on top of all of this he is just very good looking, which is a plus for me as well as our children who are both very cute in my opinion (and everyone elses).

So Greg, I wish you a very happy Fathers Day. Maddy, Jack, and I love you so much and we all know how lucky we are to have you. Never stop making ridiculous comments and crazy threats to our kids (like threatening to light Maddy’s toys on fire), because without them I don’t think those sweet moments would be as sweet.

And I wish a very happy Fathers Day to all you Dad’s out there. I hope you all had a great day and I really hope you were able to sleep late, because we all know that’s the best present you can get on a day like today.

 

Two Lists, One Bitch (Vol. 2)

I have not participated in my own late-night show/blog segment for a while now, and I gotta admit I regret it. I’m always making lists. I know I’m not the only one who makes a list and adds something that I’ve already completed so I can have the satisfaction of crossing it out. But lists literally run my life, and a good majority of the lists I make exist in my brain. I usually forget something on that list and remember it at night before I go to sleep and say “oh shit”, but then I just go to bed and hope for the best tomorrow.

So for tonight, I present the second installment of “Two Lists, One Bitch”:

5 Things that really Grind my Gears

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  1. The lady next to me at Starbucks that would NOT stop clearing her throat. Like we get it you have a cold can we move on or can you buy some of that chloraseptic spray shit?
  2. The other lady in Starbucks who came in guns blazing and was so fucking loud on the phone with her friend and didn’t even buy a drink but just needed a spot out of the rain to discuss the latest drama. At least get a glass of free water, my god.
  3. When Maddy talks back to me and I say to her “did you just tell me to mind my own business?” (after she just told me to mind my own business), and then says “No mom I didn’t say that”, WHEN SHE LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT. WHAT THE FUCK YOU LITERALLY JUST SPOKE THOSE EXACT WORDS TO ME I WAS RIGHT HERE.
  4. When I remember I don’t have Kylie Jenner’s body and I also don’t have her money/the number to her doctor and I really need both.
  5. Um, the weather. But today’s weather was just lovely so I’m kindof over this last one.

 

5 Things that really Rev my Engine

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  1. Maddy’s kindergarten graduation ceremony today. It was so cute I couldn’t handle it. I definitely teared up when they sang “I’m Growing Up”. A bunch of six year olds in graduation caps? Does it get any cuter?
  2. Jack starting to smile!!!! Just the best.
  3. When I noticed I had a tiny rash/bumps on my arms from carrying the infant car seat around and Greg gets me crying laughing by telling me I’m always the lady with the rash which just sounds so gross but I’m literally still laughing now thinking about it. (Like who wants to be known as the lady who always has a rash?) It’s great when he makes me laugh rather than when he makes me want to murder him slowly.
  4. The new season of Orange is the New Black that is out and I can’t wait to binge it.
  5. The amazing weather we had today because it was EVERYTHING.

 

And here are just a few pictures to throw in there.

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Have a great weekend!

A Sunday Kind of Love

Sundays are just the best, amiright? The best radio (thinking of you, Mix 104.1 Sunday Acoustic Sunrise), the best newspaper (that I haven’t actually read yet today), and the best company (my fam).

We started the day with a birthday party at a playground, which was perfect because Mads ran around for literally three hours. Did I have to leave the party briefly to drive Jack to sleep? Maybe. But that’s just how things go these days. Luckily, I could trust the mom at the party to keep Maddy alive while I was gone and she succeeded in that difficult task.

After the party we headed to Harvard Sq for lunch. Lunch was great, but Maddy literally interrupted the conversation Greg and I were trying to have 4 million fucking times. I actually have forgotten what we even talked about. We stumbled upon a street musician and Maddy took it upon herself to contribute to the show by doing some solo dancing. A woman watching gave her a dollar for her performance, and the stage mom in me was so proud.

I’ll keep it short for today and share some pictures of our Sunday afternoon.

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It was a little sunny for Jack and he very much appreciated some help from my shades.

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Greg is never too shy or embarrassed to join Maddy’s street performances and I love that about him. 

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Melatonin: The Pink Elephant

Fuckin’ sleep man. Is there anything better than sleep? If you say spending time playing stupid games with your kids, then you’re lying. I do not love playing stupid kid games, but it comes with the parenting gig. I will oblige when necessary, though I would much rather take Maddy to a playground and let her run around than play a zillionth game of Candy Land (which Greg actually hid by the way because he couldn’t take it anymore).

But this isn’t a post about playing kid games, though I really should write about that at some point. This is about the big pink elephant in the room whenever parents discuss their child’s sleep issues: melatonin. It’s definitely a “hot button” topic these days: To (safely) drug your kid, or to not (safely) drug your kid? That is the question.

I’ve done a fair amount of amateur research regarding melatonin and kids. Since I can’t find a study conducted that specifically observes and examines the physiological effects of melatonin on a child, (probably because parents would never admit to allowing their kid to participate in such a study because everyone is too scared of being judged, but if they asked me Maddy would’ve been in that sleep clinic yesterday) there isn’t a directly established cause and effect relationship between the two. However, the literature that is available is consistent with the facts that you cannot overdose on melatonin, and it’s a relatively safe option for childhood sleep disorders when used for the right reasons and at an appropriate dosage (AKA don’t hit them with 10 mg it if you just wanna catch the latest episode of the Kardashians).

But what if your kid doesn’t have a sleep disorder, such as mine? What if there are just some nights when they are too hyper, anxious, restless, etc. and can’t get to sleep? Maddy is a pretty active little girl and there are plenty of nights when she is too wired and cannot fall asleep on her own, so we’ve given her some melatonin. Sometimes Mama just needs the kid to go the fuck to sleep, and that magical safe drug is pulled down from the cabinet. No, I don’t feel bad or guilty about using it. I’m a human and I am a mother, and I DGAF.

What I love most about the whole melatonin-for-kids discussion is that parents are so afraid to admit they use it! It’s as if we are knocking our kids out with some hardcore street drug we bought from Jimmy on the corner. It’s fuckin melatonin! It naturally exists in our bodies! We aren’t giving them something they don’t already have. Kids need sleep, and parents need a break. It’s a win-win.

Many articles you come across will talk about “sleep hygiene”. Only a real asshole uses this term in my opinion. It’s really just an annoying way of saying “give the kid a bath, read the kid a book, and snuggle with them until they fall asleep”. I do all of these things, and since my child does not have a diagnosed sleep disorder, this routine typically works. Melatonin is for those nights where my daughter is just too clean and her sleep hygiene needs a little extra scrub.

Here are a few of the articles/literature I’ve come across in my research that I thought were the most beneficial. Check them out if you want, and if you don’t want to but want to keep giving your kid melatonin, then do that too. That’s the best part of parenting- we can do whatever the fuck we want.

 

And because this is a post about sleeping, I found some old pictures of Mads snoozin. Unsure if any of these were melatonin-induced but theres a good chance at least one was.

 

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Couldn’t not snap a pic when she fell asleep with face paint on.

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I love this picture because it was after a full day of camp/the playground last summer and she fell asleep in the middle of coloring. 

What are your thoughts about melatonin and kids? Do you use it or are you not into it? Comment below and share your thoughts!