Two Lists, One Bitch (Vol. 2)

I have not participated in my own late-night show/blog segment for a while now, and I gotta admit I regret it. I’m always making lists. I know I’m not the only one who makes a list and adds something that I’ve already completed so I can have the satisfaction of crossing it out. But lists literally run my life, and a good majority of the lists I make exist in my brain. I usually forget something on that list and remember it at night before I go to sleep and say “oh shit”, but then I just go to bed and hope for the best tomorrow.

So for tonight, I present the second installment of “Two Lists, One Bitch”:

5 Things that really Grind my Gears


  1. The lady next to me at Starbucks that would NOT stop clearing her throat. Like we get it you have a cold can we move on or can you buy some of that chloraseptic spray shit?
  2. The other lady in Starbucks who came in guns blazing and was so fucking loud on the phone with her friend and didn’t even buy a drink but just needed a spot out of the rain to discuss the latest drama. At least get a glass of free water, my god.
  3. When Maddy talks back to me and I say to her “did you just tell me to mind my own business?” (after she just told me to mind my own business), and then says “No mom I didn’t say that”, WHEN SHE LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT. WHAT THE FUCK YOU LITERALLY JUST SPOKE THOSE EXACT WORDS TO ME I WAS RIGHT HERE.
  4. When I remember I don’t have Kylie Jenner’s body and I also don’t have her money/the number to her doctor and I really need both.
  5. Um, the weather. But today’s weather was just lovely so I’m kindof over this last one.


5 Things that really Rev my Engine


  1. Maddy’s kindergarten graduation ceremony today. It was so cute I couldn’t handle it. I definitely teared up when they sang “I’m Growing Up”. A bunch of six year olds in graduation caps? Does it get any cuter?
  2. Jack starting to smile!!!! Just the best.
  3. When I noticed I had a tiny rash/bumps on my arms from carrying the infant car seat around and Greg gets me crying laughing by telling me I’m always the lady with the rash which just sounds so gross but I’m literally still laughing now thinking about it. (Like who wants to be known as the lady who always has a rash?) It’s great when he makes me laugh rather than when he makes me want to murder him slowly.
  4. The new season of Orange is the New Black that is out and I can’t wait to binge it.
  5. The amazing weather we had today because it was EVERYTHING.


And here are just a few pictures to throw in there.

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Have a great weekend!

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