Becoming a Mom (again)

Mothering doesn’t come natural to me. I’m not trying to be self-depricating, I’m just stating the facts. When I became a mother it was a choice, not a calling. I am no Charolette Yorke and I never will be. I have to work really hard at being a mom, or at least a decent one. I have always been inpatient, stubborn, and prone to temper-tantrums. In short, I am permanently three years old. (And having kids when you’re three is just not ideal).

I yell at my kid far too often than I should. Sometimes she’s being an asshole and I don’t really have a choice. Other times (most of the time) I am being the asshole. Lately I’ve been the asshole reigning champ in our house and I am trying to get into a better practice of taking a pause to ask the heavens to throw my some patience because I sure as fuck can’t make myself patient on my own will.

I was supposed to be finishing up nursing school this summer but plans changed and I’m going to be home. I’ve become a temporary SAHM and I am still getting used to this lifestyle that has been pretty foreign to me the past few years. It’s not easy for me, as I am typically always on-the-go. The past few weeks have been quite a change and I have to admit I don’t totally hate it like I thought I would. (It also helps that I have a very cute baby to hang out with and he can’t talk back yet).

I am learning to become a mom again. A mom who is around, instead of studying all the time. A mom who takes her kid to the park every day after school. A mom who remembers snacks and sunscreen. A mom who talks to other moms on the playground because I haven’t talked to another adult all day. A mom who remembers to bathe their kid every day and makes a decent dinner every night (still mostly taking stuff out of the freezer and putting it into the microwave, but it’s a start). A mom who has completed some minor house projects that I’ve been putting off for years (OK that’s kindof a lie- I bought the paint for the bathroom makeover three weeks ago but have yet to start the process. I do have hope though). I’m a mom who is learning to be more present with her kids. I’m a mom who is starting to really enjoy being around my six year-old instead of being constantly annoyed by all the “kid problems”. I’m becoming the type of mother that I want to be instead of only thinking about it.

Do I have bad days? All the fucking time. Every single day I have at least 400 bad moments that sometimes I wish I could take back. But I’m also learning that I don’t have to hate myself every time I yell at Maddy. For example, when I ask her to do something (or not do something) ten times in a five minute time span, and she continues to do it/not listen to me, then yeah I am going to yell and no, I don’t feel bad about it. There are probably more therapeutic ways to teach her these lessons but I don’t really feel like learning about them. I’m not that progressive.

So here are a few pictures of the last couple weeks, while I’ve been momin’ it up on the daily. And if you think I’ve totally turned a corner in terms of parenting, you should follow me on Instagram because my Instastories definitely tell a different tale. (@momswhoDGAF)

FullSizeRender (76)

FullSizeRender (77)
This was hour nine of swimming in a pool all day and if that face doesn’t scream pure happiness I don’t know what does.
FullSizeRender (78)
My friend Maria makes the dopest cakes. This was for her daughter’s birthday and if you’re like me and aren’t great at cake decorating you need to hit her up.
FullSizeRender (80)
Cambridge is filled with sprinkler parks and THANK GOD because the weather lately has been hot AF.
FullSizeRender (81)
Got caught in a huge downpour and I figured it was a good photo op. Jack was a little inconveinenced by the delay but he made it through.

FullSizeRender (79)

FullSizeRender (82)

FullSizeRender (83)

FullSizeRender (84)

FullSizeRender (85)

FullSizeRender (86)
Maddy’s favorite person in the whole world (besides her Papa) is her cousin Johnny. But I bet you couldn’t tell that from this picture.

FullSizeRender (87)

FullSizeRender (88)

FullSizeRender (89)

FullSizeRender (90)
I love this pic. Jack’s face says “Okay Ma we are good with the pics and Mads is a lil too close”

FullSizeRender (91)

 

Hope you are all having a great weekend and God speed to all the parents out there who now have kids on summer vacation.

Leave a Reply