Strugglin’ on a Saturday

Today was one of those days where nothing really went right, but nothing really went wrong either. We jumped around from eating breakfast out, to a sand castle carnival, to the beach (aka the Res aka kindof gross water but also where I’m having Maddy’s birthday party because its cheap and easy). Greg and I got into the dumbest argument at breakfast and then I was in a bad mood for a few hours. Am I the only one who can make the most stupid argument over nothing into an entire event? (AKA a woman). Well I am a professional at this sport and I scored another win today.

Greg worked super late last night so I took the kids to this sand castle competition going on at Revere Beach to let him get some sleep/kill time/not get into any more dumb fights. Jack could NOT hang. When Maddy was a baby I could’ve literally taken her to a heavy metal concert and she wouldn’t have flinched. Jack, on the other hand, prefers his days to be spent in an air conditioned house, and naps in a swaddle. So spending the afternoon walking around in the heat and humidity wasn’t his idea of a good time. He wanted to be held, then put down, then fed, then held again- all while I am pushing a stroller/making sure Maddy wasn’t kidnapped and then Greg would’ve had to become Liam Neeson which is honestly probably a fantasy of his.

The carnival itself was cool, and the sand sculptures were pretty impressive. What bugged me is that my bad mood from the dumb fight got in the way of being a patient, loving parent. I yelled a bunch and just basically was telling Maddy what to do the entire time, instead of letting her enjoy the day. I was stressed out by Jack’s baby requests and just being alone at this kind of thing. I didn’t think it through- I went during a time when he should’ve been napping. I went alone. I went when I was in a bad mood. What the fuck was I thinking? I wanted to do something fun with Maddy and instead I made it into some kind of event you’d attend at a military school.

We got home, and Greg and I got over our shit and took the kids to the Res together before he had to work. Maddy got to swim with the both of us which she loved. We switched off holding Jack in the water where he sat and looked around because he is a three month old baby and can’t do much. I came home, showered and fed the kids, and then we walked around the neighborhood finding Pokemon because I got manipulated into downloading that fucking game. Jack passed out super early, so Maddy and I watched a movie together. At least we ended the day on a decent note.

What kills me the most is that Maddy had a GREAT day, and I only know this because she allegedly told Greg that on the way home from the Res. She said she had a great time at the carnival. What the fuck! I was not the fun mom I wanted to be and somehow she still had a good time. Is she lying? Or is she just used to this version of me that she doesn’t even notice it anymore? Am I overthinking it? (Yes). Should I just be grateful that my kid is a kid and had a good time at a carnival and my mom guilt is getting the best of me? (Yes to that too).

So like I said, today was neither amazing, nor awful. It just was one of those days in parenthood where I had some struggles but came out alive. So I’ll consider this a win too.

And here are some pictures from the day. It was overcast all day so I did the best I could (seems to be a theme).

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I hope you all had a great Saturday!

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