Funny Shit Maddy Says

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If you’ve never met Maddy, you should really figure out a way to hang out with her. Her schedule is jam-packed with camp, track, and Shopkins, but I bet you can work something out. When she’s not rolling her eyes at me, she really is riot. Sometimes I post our funny conversations on Facebook, and I get a lot of likes on those posts so I guess that means people like them. Nothing like Facebook likes to give you a boost of blogging confidence. So over the past month or so I’ve been writing down the funny shit Maddy says for all of you to enjoy.

(We’ve been reading Harry Potter)
Maddy: “Mom, I’m a wizard you know”.
Me: “Oh yeah?”
Maddy: “Yeah, I can move stuff with my eyes”.
Me: “Like what?”
Maddy: “The leaves on the trees”.
Me: “Show me”.
Maddy: (Walks over to the window. Wind is blowing. Leaves move).
Maddy: “See?”

“How many dollars is 30 dollars?”

(Talking about Katy Perry)
“Can I hear one of ‘Cherry Peppers’ songs?”

Maddy: “Dad, Dumbledore is sending me something in the mail soon”.
Greg: “Oh honey, that’s just a story”.
Maddy: “Dad you’re just a muggle”.

(Watching Beauty & The Beast)
Maddy: “Mom, I’m Belle and Lumiere”.
Me: “Yeah honey, I know”.
Maddy: “Yeah and you’re the clock”.

Me: “Maddy you have over $100 in your allowance”.
Maddy: “Yeah I know I’m saving up for a car”.
Me: “Oh yeah? Like a real car or a kid car?”
Maddy: “Like a Toyota”.

Maddy: “Mom how much does our hotel cost?”
Me: “What hotel? Do you mean our house? Do you think our house is a hotel?”
Maddy: “No it’s a museum”.


Does your kid say any funny shit? Or is this shit not really that funny and I’m just becoming one of those moms? If so, please tell me. I won’t be upset.

Have a great week!

Two Lists, One Bitch (Vol. 3)





5 Things that Really Grind My Gears

  1. People thinking Beyonce actually wrote her album “Lemonade” about her father cheating on her mother. Guys, no. Jay cheated on her and that obviously has been proven fact recently and I honestly couldn’t be happier. JAY CHEATED ON BEY AND SHE DIDN’T WRITE AN ENTIRE FUCKING ALBUM ABOUT HER DEADBEAT DAD.
  2. The girls at the pool today who were being mean to Maddy and I had to set them      straight. Also when one of them told me Maddy made them “almost drown” because she had to dive in the 4ft pool to get her toy. No.
  3. My Uber driver two weeks ago who was driving me to Lansdowne Street but had no idea how to get to Fenway. How are you an Uber drive in Boston and don’t know how to get to Fenway? I literally had to give him instructions.
  4. When I snapchat GirlWithNoJob and she doesn’t answer me. WTF Claudia?
  5. Jack’s recent sleep regression. Waking up a few times a night, or at 5am in general. Oh and when it was Greg’s turn to get up with him, he sleeps until 630. CMON DUDE.


5 Things that Really Rev My Engine

  1. Catching the sunrise this morning (pictures above) with my two little nuggets. I love a good sunrise. If Jack is gonna insist on waking up so early we might as well take advantage.
  2. When Maddy sat down ON HER OWN to snuggle with Jack and watch the sunrise. My little mama heart grows three sizes when she’s sweet like that.
  3. Jay Z releasing his album, confirming that he did cheat on Bey. This Jay/Bey situation has made both lists just because I am so fucking happy about it.
  4. The acai (not doing the accents on the letters, sorry) smoothies I have been making lately. Even if I think I sound like an asshole by saying “I make acai smoothies”.


(And one more because this moment just made me so happy).



Mom Guilt

I’ve wanted to write a post about mom guilt for a while now, but I’m met with hesitation every time I sit down and try to write something meaningful on the subject. The thing is, I have an overwhelming amount of mom guilt, but a dry well of solutions on how to overcome it.

I guess I have had mom guilt since the day I learned I was pregnant with Maddy. I felt guilty for becoming a mother at a young age. I didn’t have the career or wealth of adult wisdom I felt one should have in order to be a good parent. I felt mom guilt for being a full-time student when she was a baby/toddler/actual kid because my attention was divided. I felt mom guilt when I worked full-time and was unable to attend all the school events. And now I feel mom guilt for having another baby and my attention being divided even more. And those are just the big players.

And then there are the small ones. Mom guilt over not buying that toy in Target she wanted and threw a fit over but I yelled at her for being a brat. Despite teaching her a valuable life lesson that you can’t always get what you want, I got mom guilt because I lost my shit and yelled. Guilt over getting McDonalds twice in one week because I didn’t feel like cooking. Guilt over living in a small apartment in a city I love but she doesn’t have more space. Guilt over not having a newer car because we just simply can’t afford that kind of car payment right now. Guilt over not having a cleaner house and passing on that messy gene that I can’t seem to shake no matter how hard I try and become an organized person. Guilt over not playing a zillionth game of Candy Land because that game sucks and I am bored of it. Guilt over not scheduling more play dates because I have an irrational fear that other moms don’t like me because I am younger than they are and not as “mom-ish”. Guilt over sending her to after-school three days a week so I can get shit done and she can play with other kids and do fun activities. Guilt over yelling at her more than I want to, on any given day. Guilt over her being too wild and silly because other kids are more even-tempered and I get embarrassed, when I truly love that part of her personality but I feel like others don’t (and this is when I need to take my own fucking advice and say WHO THE FUCK CARES LET HER BE WHO SHE IS AND STOP TRYING TO CHANGE WHAT YOU LOVE ABOUT HER). Guilt over not exclusively breastfeeding Jack for as long as I did with Maddy and thinking that makes me less of a mother. The list is endless, if you couldn’t tell.

And the worst part is, is that I give myself no breaks. I refuse to accept this is a normal piece of motherhood and that all moms act like I do and feel similar to how I feel. I only think “good moms” are the ones at the playground who aren’t yelling at their kid in public. But I have no fucking idea what they are like behind closed doors, and theres a really good chance they are just like me.

I’m a spiritual person and I will pray for patience on a daily basis. But those prayers aren’t always answered/I don’t always choose to take a breath and execute the way I want to. I read articles on “mindful parenting”, but I get bored a paragraph into the essay because I feel its unrealistic. I’m a total Catch-22; I want so badly to be a patient, loving, and kind mother but I don’t actually want to fight the good fight and do the work to get there.

I have no solutions to the mom guilt. All I’ve learned is that I have good days and bad days, and I try and duplicate what I’ve done on the good days so I can have more of them. What I’ve learned is that my kid is the happiest when I do things she likes: going to the park, playing with friends, watching a movie with me (instead of me putting a movie on and then messing around on my phone), when I actually sit on the floor and play with her. Really simple stuff, nothing too extraordinary. It’s those days, the simplest days, when she is happiest and therefore I am happiest to be a mom. The days when I have my own agenda are the worst ones, and the ones I often end up yelling the most. Those are the days when I go to bed feeling sick to my stomach with mom guilt and just hoping tomorrow will be better.

So I really wrote this post to share my own experience, rather than share and then advise others. I have no advice. I am actively seeking advice from other moms who feel like I do but have picked up a few tips and tricks along the way. Motherhood is so fucking hard and I don’t really think it gets easier as time goes on, I think we just learn from our mistakes and try and not make as many of them. At least thats what I’m hoping.

Happy Birthday Maddy!

maddy bday pic

What would a mom blog be without a birthday post for her kids? Maddy turned seven today and I still can’t believe it. I can’t get over the fact that I’ve somehow kept a person alive for seven whole years, but it happened!

I know all parents say this about their kid, but Maddy is one-of-a-kind. She has a heart of gold and loves with every little piece of her being. She’s always happy and I am envious of her constant joy and zest for life. Maybe it’s just a kid thing, but that girl can make the best out of any situation and I love her for it. She has her moments, like any seven (!) year old girl, but I’ll take the ‘tude any day over a kid who is always compliant. She is very strong-willed and doesn’t take any shit, and I love it (but you might want to ask me about that on a day that isn’t her birthday and I will probably have a very different answer). She’s fearless, determined, loyal, naturally athletic (which I am so jealous of), and funny as hell. She’s a great kid and I am so proud to be her mother.

Maddy made me a mother and I will always have a special place in my heart for her. Since Jack was born, it’s been tough to find the same amount of quality time to spend together, so I wanted to make this birthday extra special. We went to Canobie Lake Park today and went on all the rides together. It was so much fun to just play and hang out with her, since my attention has been a bit more divided lately. (And shout-out to Greg who held Jack the entire day in the Baby Bjorn and allowed for this special day to really work out).

So I wish a very happy seventh birthday to my favorite girl, the happiest girl I know, my Maddy. I love you so very much and one day when you can read this blog you might stumble across this mushy birthday post and probably get embarrassed but I DGAF. I’m a sappy mom and I’m never gonna change. Happy Birthday Peanut!